Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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