At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
