I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
