You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
