1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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