Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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