if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
