Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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