I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
