Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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