Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
