I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
