we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
