Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this will be a night to untag.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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