He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
