I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
