Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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