I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
