I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize