I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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