i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
