you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
