Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
