mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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