I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
