names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
