Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dick very happy bro
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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