apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
