Dude my mom stole all your condoms
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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