My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
