You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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