We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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