He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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