she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
