she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
