I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
