She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
