You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
