I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
