He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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