Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
