He uses pillows to masturbate.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
