Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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