I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
