i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
