HIV tests are more positive than that guy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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