that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
