why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Randomize
