I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
