in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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