Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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