we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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