Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
