You smell like stripper and shame
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
