I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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