Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
