I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
