Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
