i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
