I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
