no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
