Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
