I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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