my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
