Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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