I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
