i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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