We're like a lot better than the average bears
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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