im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
