Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
